Patience........

Took up this elementary course in chinese calligraphy 2 months ago. The weeks that followed were spent learning the basic 8 strokes, from the dot, horizontal, vertical strokes, the hook, the corners, the upward and downward slashs and "bushy" tail stroke, etc. It's dot after dot, after dot... and stroke after stroke after stroke.... Patience, patience, and yet more patience........

Finally, after 7 patience weeks, we are told to try to write our first chinese character. Ha, ha! Not bad at all ! It did look alot like a proper chinese character. More to come? Patience.............. and I will need sponsors for more writing papers.

For tomorrow, I will lead you out of Egypt

As I flipped thru my little notebook which I pen down notes from the sunday messages, I realised all too soon, it's more than 3 months into my 'break'. The first page of the notebook had registered some thoughts in Jun '06 when I pondered on the question of taking this 'break' from work. Many friends had asked what made me take this unusually bold step? Many reasons, but I guess it's the assurance that God gave ....

The timely sharing of an ex-collegue who had left the organisation a couple of years ago affirmed to the underlying reasons why.... I asked myself, am I moving ahead in my development? I guess it's more paper and management skills than technical competency. What are the visions, and future plans? Which are the works which I can be proud of? Are there fulfillment and satisfaction from the projects I undertake? The issues at work, future directions, company culture, demands.... really, what satisfaction do I derive from my work? Or am I just serving the machinery of the corporation? Questions that needs soul searching answers on my part.

An advertisement at the bus-stop caught my attention.... "Your work should need you more than you need it". I asked myself, "Does my work needs me more that I need it?"

An article in the Sunday Times, "Slow down, it might save your life." by Sumiko Tan. In it she shared about a book "In Praise of Slow..." by Carl Honore, which talks about the modern society's obsession with doing things faster and better and how this has taken a toll. Some things cannot, and should not, be sped up. They take time, they need slowness. When you accelerate things that should not be accelerated, when you forget how to slow down, there is a price to pay. I think I tend to agree fully. The book contends that the key to a fulfilling life is balance - knowing when to work hard and fast, and also when to stop and relax. She also shared her own thoughts on her work life, the stye on her right eyelid that bothered her throughout her holiday..... and making her realise not to be so hard on herself but to love herself more. And end of it, in her conclusion she said, "After all, if I can't be gentle on myself, who's going to be that for me?" How true!

I had prayed over the pending decision, and the affirmation was received when Pastor Louise, while serving communion on that Sunday, said: "The Lord told the children of Israel, 'And thus you shall eat it: with your loins girded, your shoes on your feet, and your staff in your hand; and you shall eat it in haste; (Exodus 12:11) ....... ' for tomorrow, I will lead you out of Egypt...". I asked myself, what is my Egypt? Wasn't there the bondage by my work? bondage by the office system? bondage by the organisation culture? Clearly, I have been in my Egypt for too long.

And God's assuring words were... "for tomorrow, I will lead you out of Egypt". He will personally lead me. And just as He had provided for the children of Israel out of Egypt, He will provide for me. I will trust in Him.

How much is enough?

Came across this article by Max Licado. He tells about this case where a young man was convicted of manslaughter in 1982. An innocent young girl died because of his drunken driving and the girl's family sued. A settlement of $936 was agreed, to be paid a dollar at a time, every Friday. This work out to be 18 years, week after week after week. The family had taken him to court again, 4 times, over the years, for failure to comply. The young man's submission was that he is not out to defy orders but that he was haunted by the young girl's death and tormented by these weekly reminders. He offered the family two stacks of cheques covering the weekly payments until year 2001, but the family refused. It's not the money they seek, but penance. They want to pursue this weekly repayment until the very end.

I guess to many, including myself, we would say "yeah, he deserve such punishment. Let him rot in that guilt and weekly reminder until the full amount is paid." Doubtless we would side the aggrieved family.

But Max continued to write.... Is the 936 payments enough? Not so much for the young man to send, but for the family to demand? When they receive the final payment, will they be at peace? Will the family be able to put the matter to rest? Is 18 years of restitution sufficient? Will 196 months of remorse be adequate?

How much is enough?

In our life, everyone of us gets wounded and hurt by others at one time or another. How much then do we demand restitution? As in the case of the aggrieved family, they too are plagued by the weekly reminder. What are their pain and grieve? How much is enough? And again, the young man's guilt and remorse, how much is enough?

In Matthew 18:21-22, Peter came to Jesus and asked "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" And Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven."

Fast forward to the cross at calvary, Jesus' last words "It is finished!" shows just what a gracious God we have. Despite our wrongs, our sins, our unworthiness, the payment was made and the aggrieved God does not require of us, any weekly reminder of our wrongdoing, no more guilt and penance is required. The sentence have been served.

All have been accomplished and paid for on the cross. Hallelujah!

Knowledge and wisdom

And indeed, all is vanity and grasping after the wind. For in much wisdom is much grief, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow. Vanity of vanities, all is vanity........

- Ecclesiastes -


More recently, I had come to realise, just how much in life there is for me to learn and read about. Somehow, it's like an awakening, a yearning to know more, and to know why... but what interest me were not those regular tech stuff that I needed for my work, my profession. I found myself interested in world events, sociology, phsychology, economics, history, ..... there's a whole lot of topics that caught my interest now. But wasn't those the dry subjects that I found myself reluctant to touch on years ago? Perhaps I have been immersed in technical stuff for too long. Not an expert, but I have seen enough of the tech stuff to be able to grasp and understand the mechanics of things very easily. So, maybe I need to explore the other pools of knowledge now....... especially so, since I have much more time now.

But what a timely reminder, as I read Ecclesiastes. All these knowledge is vanity and at the end of it all.... well, sorrow. So, perhaps, I will learn from what the Preacher says in his conclusion:

The words of the wise are like goads, and the words of scholars are like well driven nails. Of making many books there is no end, and much study is wearisome to the flesh. The conclusion of the whole matter.....
Fear (worship) God and keep His commandments, for this is man's all.

God's Holiness

The one nature of God that makes Him worthy of our worship is His Holiness. And at the center of His Holiness, is found, His mercy..... the greatest act of God in providing us the mercy seat between the wings of the cherubim.